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Stephen: The ministry of the gospel is a stressful job. If you don't believe me, just ask your pastor. But for a missionary spending years, even decades, among strangers in a faraway place, this ministry can be extraordinarily grueling. Between learning a new language and adapting to a new culture, missionaries can go years before making friends in their new home. And all the while, they're separated from their church and family back home. All of this makes a godly marriage an incredible blessing for missionaries. A good marriage can be a refuge in times of trial and a powerful means of sharing the good news. But there are risks for marriages on the mission field, too. Few events are more catastrophic for a mission than a marriage that collapses under the strain. So it's critical for missionaries to take special care and prepare themselves and their spouses well before going to the field.
Brooks, our question today comes from Chandler Stobbs on Instagram. Chandler asks, “What are some good ways to strengthen a marriage for the mission field?”
Brooks: Yeah, that's a really good question. Marriage is something that you want to have nailed down. You want to have at least it heading in the right direction. And so I thought for this episode, I would bring in probably the person that I look to the most when it comes to marriage, my wife, Nina. So she is going to be joining us on this particular episode and talking through different ways to strengthen your marriage before you go to the field, maybe some different points. And, baby, I know that the podcasts are maybe not your favorite thing, but thank you for being on this with us. Some thoughts on ways to strengthen a marriage before you go to the mission field.
Nina: Yeah, I'm happy to be here and talk about this. I think it's a really important thing. We talk with people all the time as they're heading off to the field, things that would be helpful for them, but marriage is definitely one of the biggest things that you can press into before you go to the field to prepare you. Obviously, there are just so many things that you don't know, things that are going to come up, things that you'll face: situations, culture things, language, all sorts of things with family, whatever. And there are a lot of unknowns that you're going to be stepping into. However, the one known we do have is God and His faithfulness and His word and His truth. And I think as you press more into that, whatever is going to come, we can trust that He will lead us through it because you know Him better. And so walking with Him, knowing Him, reading His Word, immersing yourself in His Word, getting to know who He says He is, and believing those truths will get you through a lot of hard times.
And then the aspect of marriage in that is what does it say? How to be a godly wife, how to love and respect your husband, how to fight well, how to end fights well, how to work together. And a lot of those things the counsel of the word has given us is a sweet gift. And I think to not press into that, read it, meditate on it, learn, and grow in it is a missed opportunity. So reading God’s word, understanding what He says about marriage and relationships, reading through 1 Corinthians 13 and understanding, “Help me to love better, help me to be patient and kind and understanding and selfless,” and what that looks like.
And then discipleship, I think, is another thing that a lot of people don't press into as much. And when I say discipleship, I don't mean one-on-one coffee sessions once a month. I mean actually having women speak into your life and helping you see areas where you could grow and be different and more helpful to your marriage. And finding godly women who are older than you, I think, as you're preparing to go to the field, to have other women speak into you in marriage and parenting, the role models we have—some of the best things that we've ever done, Brooks, are things we've seen in other people's lives. And I think that's so helpful to have those examples. That's also biblical. And I think another thing that's helped me along the way is being intentional with what books I'm reading. If I think I need to get a little bit more understanding in how to communicate better, I don't mean just any book, but finding good books that your church or pastors or other godly women would recommend to help deepen our understanding from the viewpoint of other godly men and women who have gone before and can speak wisdom into our lives. So I think those are the three things that I would say would be really helpful and practical areas whether you're going to the field or not: being in the Word, getting discipled, and reading good books.
Brooks: Yeah, no, that's really helpful. And not pushing on this much, but maybe just a little. I think the primary way that you're discipled is honestly through being a faithful church member. To be in church on Sunday. You remember how much Joyce affected your life and how she poured into you, and Jack Griffin for me, Dave Johnson, and just the ways that being a faithful church member, being there Sunday after Sunday, being part of the congregation, singing together, hearing God’s Word taught together, praying together—those were really good things. I think the other aspect, and you can testify to this, the other aspect was we were thinking through what the future might be. We didn't know a lot about it, but we were trying to figure out what are some things that we could do to prepare ourselves for this. I took that small chainsaw class from Rick Johnson and did a few other things that I thought maybe might come in handy. Some of them did, some of them didn't, but they were small things that we were trying to take advantage of as opportunities that presented themselves before we went to the field. Those are some things that come to mind. Any thoughts on that?
Nina: Yeah, I think thinking through what you're going to face is important, but I also think I caution people sometimes to recognize thoughts that aren't helpful and take those captive. I know as a woman and speaking to other women that sometimes we can have loops in our mind, conversations that haven't happened play out in our head, just playing out scenarios that aren't real, and then allowing those to dictate how we feel or our emotions or allow anxiety or anxious thoughts to come into our minds. And so I would say yes, absolutely, prepare what we can, but then also hold it loosely. And that's where I'd go back to God’s word is faithful. He is true. He is just. He’s the same God whether we're here in San Diego or whether we're in Yembi Yembi. He does not change. And so we can press into Him and lean on Him and know that what He will do in and through us is according to His sovereign plan, and we can rest in that.
And I do appreciate the faithful church members. Yes, there are so many women who poured into me. And I think one way that we benefited greatly from that was that small group that we did for young marrieds. We had this little group that would meet together once a week, and it was a precious time to get together with other people in our same phase of life at that point. This was way before—I don't think we even had a kid yet. And then being able to glean from the older couple, the Marfields, who were so sweet and loved on us so well.
Stephen: To learn more about preparing for the mission field, visit us at missionary.com and check out our library of videos, articles, and recordings from past conferences. If you have a question you would like to hear answered on Ask Missionary, get in touch with us on social media or drop a note in the comment section, or you can contact us through missionary.com, and your question may be featured on the show. And don't forget to subscribe to the show to get notified when our next episode, “Is There a Biblical Structure for Missions?” airs next week. Thanks for listening.