Press On or Part Ways: When to Dissolve an Unhealthy Partnership
My wife looked at me, tears filling her eyes. “We can’t stay,” she whispered. I knew she was right. For over a year we had clashed with our team on the importance of the church on the mission field and the dangers of the Insider Movement. For months we had wrestled with the decision of whether we should continue in this partnership. Now we knew. It was time to separate.
That decision remains one of the hardest we have ever made. Reaching it was not easy. For one thing, we wanted to make sure we were thinking rightly about the conflict with our team. Were we being too sensitive on these issues? Another complicating factor was that separating from our team meant we must also resign from our organization and thus leave the mission field we loved. Were we willing to make that decision? At the same time, we recognized we could not ignore our convictions on these significant issues. Facing this crossroads, we needed wisdom to know what to do.
A growing number of missionaries find themselves at a similar junction. Joined to a team or organization that advocates ideologies they consider unbiblical and spiritually dangerous, they wonder if they should dissolve the partnership. Separation, however, comes with a costly price tag. Questions seep into their minds, “Are these issues serious enough to separate over? Should we press on in this difficult partnership and hope for change? Or is it time to part ways?”
These are hard questions, but that doesn’t mean help is out of reach. Our God delights to give wisdom generously to those who ask of Him (James 1:5). If you are facing this crossroads right now, I want to offer five questions that served me and my wife as we traveled this difficult road. These questions are designed to help you evaluate your specific context and guide you to a godly decision:
1. Will this partnership affect my faithfulness?
God requires faithfulness in gospel stewards (1 Corinthians 4:1-2). Faithfulness, then, becomes the chief standard by which you should evaluate your ministry partnerships. What does this mean practically? Not that you must aim for uniformity in all your associations. You will, no doubt, discover various disagreements between you and your teammates on issues that do not threaten your personal faithfulness to God. In fact, collaboration that transcends certain differences illuminates the glory of the gospel that unites us.
That changes if a partnership threatens your submission and obedience to God. That kind of collaboration does not please the Lord. So, for example, if a sending organization requires its missionaries to embrace and practice unbiblical methods like the Insider Movement, what should you do? You prioritize faithfulness over relationship. Like the apostles of old, you must commit to obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29). If a partnership is leading you into sin, you must be willing to let it go.
Joshua Marshman labored alongside William Carey in India for more than 30 years. As a missionary, he prized faithfulness to God as his primary concern. He urged other missionaries in his own day to carefully examine “whether our motives, our general disposition and conduct, be such as a holy God can honor.” The same applies to your partnerships. Are your partnerships such that our holy God can honor them? If so, you may be free to press on. If not, you should separate.
2. Will this partnership afflict my conscience?
The apostle Paul served God with a clear conscience (Acts 23:1). Missionaries today should strive for no less. That means if your conscience sets off alarm bells, you should pay attention.
There are a few important caveats to keep in mind when it comes to matters of conscience. First, unlike clear issues of sin, a partnership that pricks your conscience does not automatically mean you must separate. You may need to calibrate your conscience first. This process takes time, so don’t hurry to a rash decision. Be patient as you seek help from scripture and godly counselors.
A second thing to remember is that godly missionaries may disagree on the appropriate course of action. One missionary may not have a problem serving with an organization that endorses movement methodologies, provided they don’t require him to embrace them. Another missionary may feel guilt by association.
Regardless of your specific circumstances, you should seek to maintain a clear conscience in all your partnerships. If you truly believe that remaining with a team or organization is wrong, even after carefully calibrating your conscience, you should separate. Martin Luther’s maxim holds true, “To go against conscience is neither right nor safe.”
Adoniram Judson set sail for the mission field as a paedobaptist. On the voyage to India, however, his beliefs changed and he became convinced that baptism was for believers only. Judson realized he could no longer baptize the infants of new converts in good conscience. Nor could he continue to receive financial support from the society which sent him with integrity. As a result, he broke from his sending organization. For Judson, a clear conscience before God was worth the price of separation. Blessed is the missionary willing to pay that price.
3. Is this partnership a dangerous influence?
Who you affiliate with can impact your spiritual life. That’s one reason why Paul warned the Corinthians, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Paul’s intention was not that you avoid difficult people—otherwise, Paul himself should have avoided the Corinthians! Rather, the apostle cautions against the long-term, subtle influence of a dangerous association. If you maintain unhealthy partnerships, you may find you are playing with spiritual fire.
How can you know if a partnership has become a dangerous influence? One way is to examine the emphases of your partners. Does this team or organization focus on greater conformity to God’s word? Or does it subtly prod you toward pragmatism and “what works?” Another helpful measure is to openly discuss each other’s convictions. Make sure you do this carefully and with precision. Define your terms to avoid confusion and think through differences wisely. Such exposure will reveal which direction your team might influence you.
In our first year overseas, my wife and I regularly spoke with our team about our conviction that missionaries need to be part of local churches on the field. The other missionaries in our town disagreed. They felt that involvement in a local church was unnecessary and even harmful to the spread of the gospel. “Don’t worry,” they assured us. “When we came to the field, we thought just like you. But you’ll change and see things our way once you’ve been here a while. Just like we did.” We didn’t stay to find out.
Friend, for the sake of your own spiritual health, guard against the ruining influence of a dangerous partnership.
4. Can I enact change in this partnership?
Before separating from a team or organization, missionaries should consider if God might use them to produce biblical change in others. Paul serves as an example here. When Peter stepped out of line with the gospel and stopped eating with Gentiles for fear of man, Paul did not immediately break ties with him. Instead, he confronted his hypocrisy (Galatians 2:11-14). Paul’s rebuke enabled Peter to realign his life with God’s word.
When teams and organizations stray from biblical faithfulness, they need help to recenter themselves on the Word. Perhaps God wants to use you in that task. If you are in an unhealthy partnership but can bring about change—slow though it may be—then you may have good reason to press on in the partnership. May God bless your efforts! However, if you are not in a position where you can enact change and your attempts will only be perceived as divisiveness, you may need to part ways.
I heard Mack’s encouraging story a few years ago. Mack moved to the Middle East in 2001 to serve in student ministry, where he also joined an international church. This congregation avoided doctrine, prioritized ethnic-variety over gospel-clarity, and seemed destined to remain immature. Mack stayed at the church though, because he believed there was hope for change. When the church started looking for a new pastor, Mack helped the search team find a man he knew would provide godly leadership. More than 20 years later, by God’s grace, that church preaches a strong, clear gospel.
5. Will I be able to serve more effectively outside this partnership?
Ministry is hard. Sometimes we can feel that the hardest things about ministry are the partners we work with. A missionary should be prepared to endure even difficult partnerships “as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:3). There may come a time, however, when you realize that your partnership is doing more harm than good. You may discover you could be more fruitful and effective elsewhere.
Are you expending significant energy in navigating an unhealthy partnership? Could you serve more effectively if you were joined to a like-minded group? Could a different organization better equip and enable you to run the race set before you? If so, then it may be wise for you to evaluate if you should pursue a new partnership.
Our friends Kenny and Kylie felt tied in knots. They spent so much time and energy clashing with their organization on significant differences. They couldn’t run in the path of ministry before them because they constantly needed to untangle themselves from the chords of conflict. After they joined a like-minded organization, the relief was invigorating. “Now we’re excited to be overseas,” they told us, “because we are finally free to run!”
Jesus is Worth it
When my wife and I resolved to separate from our team, we shared our decision with a godly counsellor. “You have done well,” he said. “The Lord sees your devotion to Him, and He is pleased.”
Leaving a team, resigning from an organization, and dissolving a partnership are weighty decisions. They require much prayer, thought, and counsel. If you believe parting ways is how you must honor the Lord, remember that faithfulness to Jesus is worth the pain of separation. It is no defeat to dissolve a partnership when you do so for the glory of God. Even if that means losing the ministry you love. The God who took you overseas is the same God who has ordained these circumstances. He has done so, not to destroy you, but that through them you might display the value of Christ. He was worthy of your going to the field. He is also worthy of your leaving.The Lord sees your devotion to Him, and it matters.